iTorture Freddie
by sarahraichu44
Summary: This is the purest form of torture. No, I wasn’t going to do anything physical to him, I was just wearing that outfit. The outfit. Seddie oneshot.


Summary: This is the purest form of torture. No, I wasn't going to do anything physical to him, I was just wearing that outfit. The outfit. Seddie.

Disclaimer: I do not own iCarly.

**A/N : So, this popped in my head and I couldn't get it out. Enjoy! (Also, some very minor HP spoilers from the 6th**** book.)**

I was sitting around the Shay's living room, eating a lamb chop, when I realized something was wrong.

I haven't tortured Freddie in nearly 48 hours.

Carly always asked my why I liked pranking Fredwad so much. I thought it was obvious. Pranking is a high. The anticipation of when he finds a snake in his locker, or when he puts on his "bicycle safety gear helmet" and finds if filled with cheesecake. See, some teenagers do drugs, but I just do Freddie. Wait. No, **NO, **I did NOT mean it like that! You sickos.

Anyway, I needed something good. No more telling him a relative got hurt (last time I told him his mom got in a car accident, he laughed and stole my breadstick. He got a black eye. Momma doesn't mess with breadsticks.) or my dog ate our Spanish project. (He did too! That nub was convinced I ate it, just because it was made out of tacos. I have some self control people!) Fredducini was getting too good.

Then I thought of it. It was simple, almost so simple it may not work. But if it did, oh, he was going to suffer.

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I bounced into the upstairs lounge, where we shoot iCarly. Freddie and Carly were already there, seating in the colorful bean bag chairs. Walking in, I slammed the back of Freddie's head with a bag of kumquats.

"Puckett!" Freddie yelled. "What do you think…" Freddie's mouth fell open as I turned to face him. With my pink t-shirt with the intricate design on the front, patterned long striped sleeves underneath it, high-tops and brown khaki Bermuda shorts, I had completely replicated the outfit we wore that night. That one night, when we… you know… kissed. "What are you wearing?"

I made a big show of looking down my outfit. "Clothes, duh Fredweird. What did your mom slip in your cereal this morning?"

"Uh, but, you…" Freddie was stammering, at lost for words. "You can't wear that! I haven't worn those clothes since…" He stopped abruptly when he saw Carly looking confusedly between the two of us.

"Since when, Freddie?" I smirked. He wouldn't say it, I knew he wouldn't, not with Carly around. Carly was staring at my clothes, trying to figure out what the freak was wrong with my outfit.

"Nothing." Freddie looked away from me, at the ceiling. Oh, I LOVE this! The perfect element of torture. I wasn't doing anything physical, so Carly couldn't stop me, and Freddie couldn't complain to her, and the look on his face is pure gold.

"All right, I am obviously not supposed to ask." Carly said, approaching me. "What's in your bag?"

"Kumquats." I said matter-of-factly.

"Okay, why do you have kumquats with you in a bag that says, property of Spencer Shay?" Carly laughed.

"A girl can't carry some kumquats with her without it being a felony, can she?" I said loudly. Yeah, I like kumquats, and this was one durable bag, so it obviously made plenty of sense.

"Never mind." Carly smiled, picking up a bunch of colorful index cards. "You guys want to go over some ideas for iCarly?"

"Sure." I eyed Freddie. He was fidgeting, his face unreadable. Perfect. This was going well.

Carly flipped through the cards. "How about a staring contest while riding a unicycle?"

"Yeah Freddork, let's practice right now." I said, flicking his ear to get him to look at me. He did, but got a glimpse of my pink headband and winced away. "I win!" I laughed rudely in his face. "You lose loser."

"I'm just bad at staring contests!" The nub protested. Psh, I've heard better excuses from my sister Melanie. And if you know her, you know she can't lie or make excuses if her life depended on it.

"You seem pretty good at them when Carly is in the room!" I shot back. Another thing Carly always asks me about, why I always bring up the Freddie crush thing. I'm not sure of the answer myself. Something about the way he shoots me a death glare and blushes.

"Stop it you too. Okay, so no staring contests. How about…," Carly read the next fluorescent card. "Kiss the dork?" Oh, did I tell you I switched the iCarly idea cards to ideas that would make Freddo miserable cards? I know, I'm a genius. Freddie's eyes were fixed on a spot in the middle of my forehead. Believe me, if looks could kill, I'd be lying dead along with the poor animals that provided my breakfast this morning. (10 pieces of bacon and half a ham!)

"YES!" I exclaimed. "It's genius, isn't it? We get Gibby, Germy, and some other tech dorks who haven't been kissed, and give them their first kiss! Wouldn't that be fun?"

Freddie cleared his throat. He was visibly sweating, and he patted his face dry with his green t-shirt. "You know Carly, I think discussing iCarly ideas is a bad idea right now."

"Whatever you say Freddie." Carly shrugged. NO! I had so many more fantastic ideas. The many things you can do in a fire escape, why people shouldn't run away from the things they want most in life, why meatballs are the best compacted meat ever are just some of them. Time to kick it up a notch.

"Okay, let's talk. Hey, the new Harry Potter movie comes out Wednesday. You guys want to know why _I'm _EXCITED? Because it will be Harry and Ginny's first kiss with each other. Isn't that romantic? And, AND Ron gets his first kiss _ever _with Lavender! First kisses on screen are just awesome to watch! Remember when Cho Chang and Harry kissed in Order of the Phoenix? It was so long and romantic and they were alone! I hope my first kiss is like that, whenever I get one! Don't you think, Freddie, Carly? Freddie?"

Carly's mouth was agape, facial expression confused bordering on amusement. She knew something was going on. Freddo, on the other hand, was beet red and looked like he was going to burst. He mopped up his sweaty forehead again, droplets sliding off his face. Smiling, I leaned back in my red bean bag chair. Ah, torture is sweet.

(Oh, and for all of you laughing at my wealth of Harry Potter knowledge, it's not nerdy to read them! Or go to midnight premieres or anything. Psh. I mean Shia Labeouf does it too! Actually I have no idea if he does, but wouldn't that be sweet?)

Freddork stood up abruptly, stammering. "Carly…*cough*, Sam, I need to go… I left my, uh, fruit kabobs in the oven." With that he stumbled out of the room.

Carly stared at me, giggling. "What was that all about?"

Feigning innocence, I shrugged, "I don't know."

"Yeah right." She laughed. "Boys are weird."

Boy, was she right.

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Beans are amazing, I thought to myself as I devoured a bucketful on the Shay's couch. I tell everyone, nothing will make a girl happier than beans and a new episode of Girly Cow, which I was watching now. Charlene and Gabriella the cow were talking about their first cow kisses, which they shared with donkeys. It was apparently a law in Girl-cow-tastic land that cows and donkeys couldn't kiss, so Charlene and Gabriella were trying to find a way to avoid the police, an army of uniformed koalas. Girly Cow is so freaking awesome.

So yeah, I was having a completely perfect night, and then my mood is disrupted when Fredweenie storms in.

"What do you want Bens…?" I was about to ask, until I got a glimpse of his outfit. A blue button up collared shirt, unbuttoned, pants. What he wore the night we kissed

"No fair, my form of torture! Get your own!" Freddie just smirked, challenging me.

"Well, two can play that game, Puckett. Does it bother you?"

"No." And it _didn't! _Because, yeah, I'm totally not thinking of how his great his lips feel on mine, or how I went back to Carly's house and had lots of happy dreams about nubs and meatballs. Not at all.

"Really? Well, your outfit bothered me a lot today. Could you tell?"

I snorted so loudly that I was afraid Spencer would wake up. "Get real Benson. An elephant would have noticed."

"Good point." Freddie said. Then he was leaning over me and his lips were pressed against mine. You guys better not ever tell anyone one else this, but it felt way too good to be coming from a tech weenie. The kiss was more passionate than the first one, with Freddie deepening it, and me allowing him, a battle of the lips, until I was laying on the couch and Freddie was straddling me.

We broke away for air, and gasping, I asked accusingly, "I thought this wasn't going to be a regular thing?"

Freddie rolled off me, and lightly punching my shoulder, he said, "It won't be. Only when we are wearing these outfits." Those final words ringing through the air, he left, leaving me lying on my back on the Shay's couch, breathing heavily.

Carly always wondered why my long sleeved pink outfit had become my favorite, and Freddie's button up blue had become his, because we wore them three days a week from then on.

**Tell me what you think!**


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